With this in mind, I present to you CROHN!, The Destroyer of Colons!
This is a salsa so fucking awesome it straddles the line between salsa and slaw and becomes something greater. It's a neon demon of intestinal disruption so powerful, yet so seductive, your mouth will never, ever, be the same.
Strictly speaking, this is the freaky love child of an Escabeche marinade and a super hot salsa. I swear, I still haven't found a protein that doesn't agree with it. From beef, to chicken, to fish tacos... hell, even fucking deep fried tofu gets an unexpected upgrade from just a few tablespoons of this shit.
WARNING! Even this pussyfied, toned down version packs a serious punch to the sigmoid. Do not attempt if you have some intestinal condition or a congenital lack of testiclular fortitude.
|This could be your colon|
That said, start with as many habaneros as you can handle. I usually include 1 per person, but for this particular post, we'll use only 2. Char them on a griddle. This is called "torear", litterally meaning "pissing them off". Get them nice and chared and let them cool to room temperature.
Follow with a large red onion, cut in mezzalunas.
|I mean, I watched 2 girls 1 cup while eating chocolate ice-cream, and I still respect them this much.|
|Give a good stir to dissolve all the salt|
This needs to sit in your fridge for at least 1 hour. As the onions pickle, they'll turn an unnerving shade of neon pink. As soon as they do, they're ready to eat.
Printer-Friendly version: Crohn, the Destroyer of Colons
3 bunches or radishes, jullienned (3 cups).
1 large red onion, cut to mezzaluna (2 cups).
1 bunch cilantro, finely chopped (1 cup).
As many habanero peppers as your pussy-ass intestines can handle, chared and chopped.
1 1/2 cups orange juice + 1/2 cup white vinegar (alternatively, 2 cups sour orange juice to score some serious cuban points)
2 Tbsps sea salt
2 Tbsps dried oregano
2 Tbsps whole black peppercorns
- Place everything in a bowl, stir well.
- Let the onions turn a decievingly adorable shade of neon pink.
- Be fucking awesome and put it on everything.
- Leave a comment, it's the least you can do.
By the way, stay tuned for next week's post, there will be an AWESOME application for Crohn