Roast Venison with Balsamic Reduction Glaze

If you've never eaten venison, I pity you. Seriously, I do. Any excuse for not eating it sucks ass. You may live in a place where it's unobtainable. You may be too poor to actually afford it. You may be too much of a pussy to hunt one. Or you can be one of those ridiculous motherfuckers that won't eat venison because deer "are cute and smart". If the later is the case, are you fucking kidding me? Pigs are ranked right above dogs in terms of animal intelligence, and I can bet my left nut you love bacon.

Granted, there's a risk of Chronic Wasting Disease, a spongiform encephalopathy akin to Mad Cow Disease, but the disease's incidence and prevalence are so low, the risk is practically negligible.

So get your Disney-watching ass over here and let's cook some fucking Bambi!

This is the hind quarter of a young deer of unknown species. There are essentially 2 species bred for hunting in Sonora: Mule (Odocoileus hemionus) and White-tail (Odocoileus virginianus). White tail deer is severly endangered down here, so this is most likely, Mule-deer.

Trimming the meat yields 3 4lb denver roasts and 3 lbs of assorted chunks, fit for a stew. We'll take 2 Denver roasts, split them lenghtwise down the middle and reserve.

Deer butt cheeks

One of the main complaints of anti-cervidovores is the intense game flavor of the meat. This can be due to a number of factors, including the animal's age, diet, method of slaughter and whether or not you're a punk-ass pussy motherfucker that can't take serious meat. Personally, I fucking love the taste of fresh venison, but for the sake of world peace, we're marinating these babies.

So take 1 cup of Merlot, 1/2 cup of balsamic vinegar, 1/3 cup light soy sauce, 1/3 cup of dark soy sauce, 3 garlic cloves, 2 Tbsps of mixed peppercorns and a sprig of fresh rosemary and blend them together. Now place the venison in nature's perfect marinating device (ziploc bags) and divide the marinade accordingly. Leave in the fridge overnight.

Now let's make the glaze: Place 3 cups of Merlot in a saucepan, along with 2 cups balsamic vinegar, 1 cup light soy sauce, 1/3 cup honey and a sprig of fresh rosemary and gently simmer until reduced by 1/3. This will ensure most of the alcohol has evaporated. Once it starts to thicken, add 3 Tbsps dark soy sauce. We don't add this before because it has some starch that may thicken the glaze before the alcohol evaporates. Finally, dissolve 3 Tbsps cornstarch in 3 Tbsps cold water, take the pot off the fire and stir the slurry in. Keep refrigerated until it's time to use.

Now the next day, start your coals and let them burn down to white hot. Once they're thoroughly lit, sprinkle some ashes on your coals to ensure even heat distribution.

While your coals light up, make some roast potatoes. These were nuked for a few minutes to par-boil, then tossed in olive oil, a little lemon juice, salt, pepper, lots of parmessan cheese and some rosemary. Finally we baked them for 20 minutes to brown. If you need more detailed instructions to make something as mundane as roast potatoes, you're in deep shit, dude. You shouldn't be left alone in the kitchen.

Place your roasts over the white-hot coals for 5 minutes per side to sear. Do not move them around in this first stage or you'll fuck up the grill marks and no crust will develop. Once the meat is seared all over, move to indirect heat and cook for another 15 to 20 minutes, or until an instant-read thermometer reads 165°F in the thickest part. Slice on a bias against the grain.

Yes, the meat will be a little below medium, but it's so lean, it takes nothing to over-cook it and having Bambi die for nothing.

Now build the dish: Squeeze some glaze in the bottom of the plate, then paint with a spoon. Fan out some venison slices, then a few potato wedges. That's fucking it.

I'm no chef or food stylist, but this looks fucking great, IMHO.

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Roast Venison with Balsamic Reduction Glaze
Serves 10-12

2 4lb Denver roasts of venison, psplit lenghtwise

Marinade
1 cup of Merlot
1/2 cup of balsamic vinegar
1/3 cup light soy sauce
1/3 cup of dark soy sauce
3 garlic cloves
2 Tbsps of mixed peppercorns
1 sprig fresh rosemary

Glaze
3 cups Merlot
2 cups balsamic vinegar
1 cup light soy sauce
1/3 cup honey
1 sprig of fresh rosemary
3 Tbsps dark soy sauce.
3 Tbsps cornstarch + 3 Tbsps cold water

1. Mix all the marinade ingredients and place in a ziploc bag along with the meat. Marinate for 8 -12 hours.
2. Mix the first 5 glaze ingredients in a saucepan and reduce by 1/3, then take off the fire and add the remaining 2. Reserve.
3. Grill the meat 3 to 5 mins per side over white-hot coals, then move to indirect heat for 15 minutes, or until an instant-read thermometer reads 165°F.
4. Slice, serve, kick ass, blow minds. Get laid like Tiger Woods.

EAT ALL THE ANIMALS!!!