Mexicanized Thai Pumpkin Custard

Fusion food makes me cringe. Seriously. You know why? Taco Bell. I fucking hate it. It's insulting and disgusting, it perpetuates stereotypes and its very existence is an affront to my ancestry. Some may argue that it's not fusion food at all, but a cheap knock-off, but I beg to differ. Fusion cuisine derives from the coalescence of different styles and techniques that ultimately leads to an uncategorizable product. 

Glen Bell (may he rot in hell) bastardized mexican food and created something that is not entirely mexican, yet not entirely american, but still pallatable to the uneducated masses.

But then again, there's creole food. The fusion of american ingredients with african and french dishes that created some of the most amazing food you'll ever taste.

And yucatecan food, amalgamating nahuatl, mayan, spanish and french cuisine into a paradoxically well-rounded but explosive cuisine. So... mixed feelings... I guess given enough time, customs will evolve from forced adaptations into entites of their own. In the meantime, however, modern approaches to fusion tend to sadly stride on the Taco Bell side of the spectrum.

This whole diatribe is my fucked-up way of apologizing to any Thai readers who might read this post and to justify the betrayal of my own beliefs for the sake of deliciousness. It's also a way to fill this post with text, because this recipe is just too damn easy.

A traditional Thai custard (Sangkhaya fak thong) is based on a similar recipe from Cambodia, that in turn can be traced back to Portugal, thanks to the influence of Maria Guyomar de Pinha on the Ayutthaya Kingdom. (HOLY FUCK, I'M GOOD!). It's essentially a flan steamed inside a pumpkin. Everybody knows that traditional asian cuisine is not big on dairy, so the milk and cream from the flan were substituted with their coconut counterparts, aromatized with pandan leaves. 

Finding pandan leaves in Mexico is about as easy as finding a coral snake in Thailand, so here's where the fusion part starts. Thai technique, mexican ingredients.

Start with a smallish Kabocha pumpkin. This one is about 12 inches in diameter. I fucking love kabochas because of their extremely low moisture content, sweet flavor and silky texture. Cut the top off and scrape out all of the innards. Rinse it down to ensure no placental membranes remain to fuck up the final presentation of the dish and set aside.

Now take 4 eggs, 1 can condensed milk, 1 can evaporated milk, 1 Tbsp powdered cinnamon and 2 teaspoons vanilla extranct and whisk until combined. You don't want to incorporate too much air into the mix, otherwise the bubbles will fuck up the final texture.

Wrap the pumpkin loosely in aluminum foil (this will be a sling to pull it out of the steamer) and pour the custard mixture into it. Now set it in a steamer and forget about it or 45 to 60 minutes. Since it's steamed, there's no way to overcook it. 

Let it cool down to room temperature before slicing (otherwise the custard will separate from the pumpkin) and serve in wedges, like a pie. 

Simple brown sugar and clove syrup

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Flan de Calabaza / Pumpkin Custard

1 medium kabocha pumpkin

1 can sweetened condensed mil

1 can evaporated milk

4 large eggs

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 Tbsp powdered cinnamon

1. Slice the top off the pumpkin, hollow it out and wrap it loosely in foil.
2. Mix the rest of the ingredients until combined and pour into the pumpkin.
3. Steam for 45 to 60 minutes, then let cool and slice
4. Fucking rule
5. Fucking leave a fuckin comment.

Crystalized Pumpkin

Northern Mexico is probably best known for its beef, but there's obviously a lot more to our food than that. Roughly 30% of Sonora's surface is desert, which means traditional dishes are simple and calorie-dense. So this being November, Mexican Cuisine Pride Month, I decided to try and make one of the most traditional sonoran desserts: Crystalized Pumpkin.

Pumpkins last for months without much need for special attention, and chances are you'll find them dirt-cheap just about anywhere around this date. It's the perfect occasion to step the fuck away from the canned shit and prove to yourself you have a moderate measure of usefulness.

Start with a large pumpkin. A good way to tell if the pumpkin was vine-ripened is taking a good look at its overall shape and state of the stem. Vine-ripened pumpkins are somewhat flatter, since they're left on the ground longer. The skin is thick and irregular, but has no blemishes or scraped spots. The stems are thorougly dry and tough, much tougher than the skin, and the whole thing feels heavy for its size.

This is a 16lb pumpkin I got from my grandfather. Clean the surface and split it open using a meat cleaver and a hammer.

Scrape all the shit from inside and throw it away, then rinse the pumpkin and cut it up into manageable sections.

Peel it with a knife, then chop it to evenly sized chunks, about 2 cubic inches each. You need them to be uniform so they'll cook evenly. We're left with rougly 14 lbs of flesh.

This is calcium hydroxide, otherwise known as lime. Yeap, the same shit you'll find in construction sites. Don't be a fucking pussy, it's perfectly safe. We're soaking the pumpkin in a very alkaline solution before cooking, a process akin to the nixtamalization of corn.

SHELDON MOMENT ALERT!

Plant cell walls are soluble in alkaline solutions, which changes their structure. The cells take up massive ammounts of calcium, which increases the pumpkin's nutritional value. The alkaline solution denaturizes most of the protein found in the pumpkin and breaks up its sugars, essentially starting a chemical caramelization process. This means the pumkpin will change its consistency and resist the long-ass cooking time without disintegrating into a paste, which is good.

If you're too much of a pussy to use lime, you could use red limestone from South Asian markets and pay dearly in both time and money; or you could use baking powder and risk a bitter taste... ooooor you could just grow a pair, it's up to you.

Place the pumpkin chunks in a very large pot and fill with enough water to cover it, then add 1 Tbsp lime for every pound of fruit. Give it a good stir and let it soak for 24 hours. BE FUCKING CAREFUL, don't fuck around, don't breathe it in, try not to get too much on your skin. If you do, rinse it off with vinegar or you'll be nixtamalizing your skin off.

The next day, take it outside and rinse it thoroughly with clean tap water a few times to get rid of the excess lime. Wash the pot and fill it with 2 cups of water for every pound of fruit. Add 1 lb of piloncillo for every 2 lbs of fruit, the peel from a few oranges, some cinamon sticks and a fistful of cloves to make a thin syrup.

Once the sugar dissolves, add the pumpkin, lower the flame to medium and just fucking forget about it until the syrup is thick and sticky. This being 16 fucking pounds, it took me 8 hours to cook the damn thing.

 As with all crystalized fruits, you can take it out of the syrup, roll it un sugar and let it dry over night. We keep it in the syrup and store it in air-tight jars. It will last up to 6 months in your fridge.

Serve warm with some strong coffee, or pour it over vanilla ice cream. Be fucking awesome.

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Cubierto de Calabaza (Crystalized Pumpkin)
Yields a fucking lot, adjust quantities following proportion

14lbs of cubed raw pumpkin
14 Tbsps lime
Water

7 lbs piloncillo
3 Oz cinnamon sticks
1/2 cup whole cloves
Peel from 4 oranges.

1. Once you've dealt with the pain in the ass that is prepping the pumpkin, soak it in a solution of water and lime for 24 hours. Rinse thoroughly.
2. Make a syrup using 2 cups of water and 1/2lb of piloncillo for every lb of pumpkin. Add cinnamon, cloves and orange peel (entirely up to you) and boil.
3. As soon as the syrup boils, turn the heat down to medium, add the pumpkin and cook until the syrup is reduced by half.
4. Be fucking awesome, mexican grampa style.