It happened months ago: Real Mexican Discada

I've seen a lot of "-ada" suffixes online lately, all from people attempting to emulate some "new" food/drink fad that we've been doing our entire lives. So I thought to myself: "awesome, let's do this!".

Honestly, I haven't taken any pictures lately, so I'm just reposting these from my facebook album, but I assure you, you'll love it.

Badass mexicans eat discadas

A "discada" is a fairly recent addition to mexican food lore, dating from late 19th/early 20th century. Discada basically means that it's cooked on a plow disc. Back in the day, specially during the Mexican Revolution (circa 1910), farmers would use dull plow discs as cooking vessels while on the field, placing them on an open fire and cooking whatever they could kill out in the open, much like a crude Wok. Meat was so scarce, my grandfather tells me, the only time they actually ate beef was when a cow was hit by a train and everybody just gathered around and dismantelled it on the tracks.

But anyways, discadas took an unexpected turn towards crappy later in the 20th century, when people started making them out of low-quality charcuterie to make ends meet.

Be it as it may, there's most deffinitely not one single, "right" way of making a discada, except maybe the use of fairly simple, traditional mexican ingredients. Think "mexican grampa... with beer". I particularly hate it when people use bologna or cheap hot dogs in their discadas. I know that some things, like the philly cheesesteak, do call for the stringiest meat and cheapest cheese whiz, but cheap mexican hotdogs taste so damned off, no seasoning in the world will ever mask the fact that you tried to feed 30 people with 10 bucks and keep some change for your ash tray.

If you don't already own a plow disc, don't fret, get yourself a big-ass outdoors wok and you'll be fine. You need to start from the very basics, so put on a Stetson and get yourself some good tequila. IT. IS.  OOOON.

Mustaches like that, mean BUSINESS (white pants = doctor)

Start with 2 lbs bacon and 2 lbs mexican chorizo in about 1/2 cup of corn oil. Mexican chorizo, in case you're not familiar with it, is completely different from other kinds of chorizo. Whereas spanish, portuguese and argentine chorizos are cured, mexican chorizo is always fresh, and has a strong flavor of garlic, oregano and red pepper. Brown them both and keep the fat.

Finely chop 8 lbs of beef. In this case it's 4 lbs blade steak and 4 lbs round tip steak. Remember, this is CHOPPED meat, not ground. Think small fajitas. Add them to the bacon/chorizo/atheroma mixture and stir constantly until all the meat is light gray.

Get yourself 2 lbs of your favorite peppers and slice them. Don't be a pussy, don't use bell peppers. These are called "caribes", and they're a little hotter than fresno chiles, so you could substitute with'em. Also, don't be a dumb pussy and rub your eyes after chopping them. No need for rubber gloves.

Have another drink if you don't have the huevos to go on

Now add about 3 cups of coarsely chopped scallions to the mix, greens and all, and let them wilt.

 

A few minutes later, add 2 large cans of your favorite whole beans (drained, the juice makes for some EPIC farting), 2 8oz cans of condensed beef stock, 2 8 oz cans of green salsa and about 16oz of water to the mix and let it simmer until the liquid is mostly evaporated. I like to leave some whole chiles to brown ond the edges of the disc, and eat them by the bite with my tacos.

They really ARE good for your heart

 

Eat, drink, and be happy.

So many fat mexicans can't be wrong about good eatin'

 

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Authentic Mexican Discada

1/2 cup corn oil
2 lbs mexican Chorizo
2 lbs bacon
8 lbs chopped beef
2 lbs Caribe or Fresno Chiles
3 cups of coarsely chopped scallions, heads and greens
2 large cans of whole beans, drained
2 8oz cans condensed beef stock
2 8oz cans green salsa (preferably a mexican brand, like Herdez)
16 oz water
Salt and pepper to taste.

1. Heat your disc/wok/whatever to ass-scorching temperatures over a coal/wood fire
2. Add the oil, and as it starts to smoke, add the bacon and chorizo. Brown them thoroughly and keep all the delicious, artery clogging fat.
3. Add the meat and brown evenly.
4. Now add everything else and leave it be until the liquid evaporates.
5. Feel awesome yet again.

Mexican Style, Brown-Sugar Crusted Beef Ribs with Custom Made Dr. Pepper BBQ Sauce

Wait for it

Damn, that was a long-ass title. Ribs are the best part of any animal. Well, at least the edible ones. They have the perfect ratios of meat, fat and bone. You just can't go wrong with ribs. I've cooked all sorts of things for my friends and family, but it's the ribs that always get the most smiles. Hell, I've got herbivore friends that have actually said "I'd eat that". The thing with ribs is that BBQ sauce is not so big here in Mexico. We usually just sprinkle some kosher salt on our ribs and scorch them over the fire. Like most non-americans, we find BBQ sauce sickly sweet, and it's not such an important part of our grocery list.

This is where my sauce comes in... (Should be called Dr. Cochiloco, coz quite frankly I'm a real doctor, whereas this Pepper guy can't make up his mind on whether he's a Dr or a General or whatever.)

But I digress. I, for one, think Dr. Pepper is a vile tasting drink (even though I love root beer), reminiscent of cough syrup or one of those homeopathic witch's brews my mom once tried to force down my thoat. It is, however, an amazing condiment for meats, even on its own. I've braised brisket in nothing but Dr. Pepper and salt in a pressure cooker and had several epiphanies while doing so.

The beauty of these ribs is that you get all the 23 mystery flavors from the drink to infuse your sauce, and they marry perfectly with a Pinot noir if you feel like you need poise with your meal. I made about 5 liters, so everyone could take a refilled Dr. Pepper bottle full of saucy goodness back home.

You'll start with 8 lbs of beef ribs. Get them from a mexican butcher, we always leave some cube roll meat on the top side. Now rinse them with cold water, pat the dry and cover them with a mix of 1lb brown sugar and 1lb kosher salt. Let them rest for at least 30 mins. I could have one of my famous Sheldon moments and explain how the sodium breaks down the collagen, but this blog made a perfectly fine job at explaining.

While the meat rests, start making the sauce. First you need to boil down 3 lts of Dr. Pepper. Like all mexican soft drinks, Dr. Pepper is made with real sugar here, not corn syrup. So either get it from a mexican grocery store or buy the "Heritage" or "Real Sugar" flavors. "Real Sugar" Dr. Pepper is actually better, because it has some beet extract and it adds another layer of flavor. 

Mix it with 3lts of canned tomato sauce and 1/2 lt of soy sauce. It's imperative that you get good quality soy sauce, like Kikoman or La Choy. This sauce has very little added sugar, and it will thicken in part due to the effect of the soy sauce caramelizing. Also, most cheap soy sauces taste like liquid ass.

Out of focus Hervibore Friend Approves! (God, this is a crappy pic)

Anyways, you could always just dump everything into a big-ass pot and stir til it's done, but we had to work with smaller saucepans. Once it reduced enough, add about 1/2lb of brown sugar and salt to taste. Not pictured, coz I'm a dumbass, is 2 heads of garlic and 1 large onion, blended with 500ml of apple cider vinegar that I added along with the sugar.

Let it boil down until it's reduced by about 25%. I cannot stress enough on the fact that you should stir this every couple of minutes, otherwise, steam will build up and it will boil over and/or explode... like so:

But, then again, exploding pots are a guy thing

Now back to the ribs... By now they've probably been sitting under their rub for about 40 minutes, so it's time to grill. Place them bone side down over white-hot coals and cover the grill for 30 minutes

AWWWW YEAH

Once your 30 minutes have passed, the coals will have probably died down a little, so it's safe to flip your ribs. The sugar will have stuck to the meat, and when it caramelizes, it'll make a bitchin crust on the rack.

it's f***ing flippin time, bitches!

Let them cook for another 20 minutes and flip them back again. Now smother them with as much sauce as they can hold and cover the grill again for 10-15 minutes.

Salivatin' like Pavlov's dogs

Now test your meat for doneness. The ribs should be slightly over medium. If you like meat well done, you don't deserve it and you should be charring hotdogs. Take the racks off the grill and let them rest for 5-10 minutes before cutting. Letting the meat rest distributes the heat evenly and relaxes the collagen fibers, so more juices remain in the meat.

Look at these beautiful MoFos... now back to ME... now back at the ribs... now back to ME

Anything is possible when you cook ribs like a MAN...

Remember to slice the meat at 45° against the grain, of you'll be chewing flipflops with sauce. Serve the shaved meat along with the rib bones (with some meat still attached, of course) drizzled all over with whatever juices were exuded. Make sure everyone gets extra sauce and dig in.

Or get some rolls and make sliders with the meat and some sauteed portobellos and bell peppers... Nirvana

It seemed fitting to bottle the extra sauce in the Dr Pepper bottles

I'm tellin you nerd boy, these ribs'll get you laid

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Mexican Style, Brown-Sugar Crusted Beef Ribs with Custom Made Dr. Pepper BBQ Sauce

Ribs:

2 4lb racks of beef ribs

1 lb brown sugar

1 lb kosher salt

Sauce (yields about 4lts):

3lts Dr. Pepper (Real Sugar or Heritage)

3lts Canned Tomato sauce

1/2 lt soy sauce

1/2 lt Apple cider Vinegar

2 heads of garlic

1 large onion

salt and pepper to taste

1. Coat the ribs with the salt and sugar and let them rest for at least 20 mins. Light up the grill.
2. Blend the garlic and onion with the vinegar and put everything in a pot large enough to hold that much liquid. Boil down until reduced by roughly 1/3.
3. Place the ribs bone-side-down on the grill over white-hot coals and cover. Cook for 30 minutes
4. Flip the ribs, cover and cook for an additional 20 minutes.
5. Flip the ribs again, then smother in sauce. Cover and let caramelize for 10-15 more minutes.
6. Let the meat rest for 10 minutes before slicing. Drizzle the juices over the meat when plating. Dispense sauce as needed.
7. Feel awesome

Futomaki Sushi

Over the past 10 years or so, there's been a boom of corner sushi stands in my home town. It's unbelievable.

The rice is always overcooked and never seasoned. The fillings so diverse, eating brings back thoughts of Taco Bell and its venomous crap. It's insulting, both to the culture it so poorly imitates and the intelligence and palate of the patrons.

I try to make sushi for my friends and family every once in a while, trying to stay true to japanese recipes and customs. Unfortunately, I still have to make do with the ingredients available and cater to the tastes of everyone, so much to my dismay, you'll find some poetic license in the rolls involved. Enjoy it....

Disclaimer: This being my recipe, there will be copious ammounts of alcohol involved. Also, raw fish is dangerous if handled improperly. So can rice be if not eaten the day it's cooked or after it's been handled (S. aureus and B. cereus). Finally, there's like a million allergies involved. It's your ass, buddy. And this will be a Looooong post. Don't let it disappoint you. I tend to rant.

First things first: THE RICE

Some legends tell us that rice was formed from the bones of the original chinese deity, Pangu. Since the bones sustain the body, rice sustains the diet. That belief was imported to Japan sometime around the 5th century, where it merged with hindu beliefs and created the goddess Inari, who grew rice from the remains fo the primal deity.

The japanese word gohan means both "rice" and "meal of any sort", so it really is a big deal what kind of rice you buy.

There are dozens of japanese rice varieties, all steming form the Oryza sativa var. japonica plant, and their use varies, not only with type, but also with time of harvest. Italian arborio rice, used for risotto, is believed to have been developed from japanese rice.

You'll most likely be able to find Calrose rice, which is a japonica breed imported to California in the 70s. It's actually very good for making sushi. It was even considered exotic in some parts of Asia when it reached the global market.

Anyways, the fresher the rice, the less water is needed to cook it, so find rice that has been in the shelves for less than 6 months. This will yield consistent results when boiling.

Sushi rice is glutinous and sticky, but not mushy. A common saying is that good rice should be like brothers: close, but not stuck to each other.

Preparing the Rice 

After shipping, the rice will be very dusty. This dust is formed by the grinding of the rice grains against each other, and is mostly comprised of amylopectin, a polysaccaride that takes part in starch. Rice needs to be washed and rinsed several times prior to boiling, otherwise it will solidify into a single block of a disgusting, pudding-like substance and you'll look like a moron .

If you inspect your rice and find too many broken grains, or a dark strip running down it's edge, it was probably not stored propperly and you should not use it.

You should dump a lot of fresh water on the rice at once, to create tubulence and force the amylopectin particles to float away from the rice. As you do this, rub the grains against ech other. The rice powder is mildly abrassive and will polish the rice, giving it a glossy surface that is indicative of carefully prepared rice. Repeat 5 or 6 times, until the water comes out clear.

This is not optional

Cooking the Rice

Most likely, you'll find rice that's been sitting on the shelves for 6 months, unless you visit an asian grocery store. If you happen to find fresh rice, it will usually need a rice to water ratio of 4 to 5, and a slightly longer cooking time. The fresher the rice, the closer to 1 to 1 ratio you'll have. Just experiment....

All japanese households own a rice cooker. I don't. I'm a single man leading a nomadic lifestyle with minimum income, so I improvise. This is called a TMO (or Typical Mexican Operation ), and if you have enough mexican acquaintances, you know we can McGuyver ANYTHING (Not to be confused with the Chicano Fix , which is when a mexican mechanic rips you off).

What I do is I put the rice in a non-sitck pot, add the rice and water (no salt) and cover it with tightly fitting aluminum foil. Make a small hole in the center of the foil and fire it up to the max until it boils. You'll know it's boiling because (duuuuuh) steam is coming out of that little hole. Lower the heat to the lowest setting possible, cover the foil with a tight-fitting lid and wait for about 20 mins.

DO. NOT. PEAK. You will ruin it...
Need I remind you to open a beer???

While the rice cooks, make the Seasoning

This is called awasezu , literally meaning "seasoned rice vinegar". It's basically rice vinegar, sugar and salt in different proportions. You can season it to taste, since the flavor varies by regions. Grosso modo , the further west you travel in Japan, the sweeter it will be.

I add 4 tablespoons of sugar and 1 tablespoon of salt to each cup of vinegar. This will season about 3 cups of rice. You can add sake too... but shouldn't you be DRINKING it?! have some right now.

Heat the mixture gently over a low flame until the sugar dissolves and then let it cool completly. DON'T stare at the pot, dumbass, you'll burn your eyes. While it cools, have some more alcohol

Cooling and Seasoning the Rice

Once the rice cooks, let it stand undisturbed for 15 minutes off the stove. This will allow carry-over cooking to finish the rice and make the humidity and texture more uniform. Have another beer while you wait.

Then, dump all the rice at once into a large, non-reactive container. Use metal and you'll stain it with the vinegar and make the rice bitter.. The japanese have a large, round bamboo tub called hangiri , but mom's beloved salad bowl will do.

This should be you right now

Start fanning the hell out of the rice to cool it quickly. I find that a pedestal fan works great. All the while, stir it gently with a wooden spatula. Once it reaches a luke-warm temperature, start slowly and carefully drizzling the rice vinegar all over it, stirring. The rapid cooling and the seasoning will make the polished rice shine. Stop when you reach room temperature and cover with a damp cloth.

That was quite a workout, you need electrolytes.... either put some lime and salt in your beer or mix it with tomato juice.

Preparing the Fillings

Your mise en place is vital here. You're working with raw protein that can spoil quickly. So have all your fillings and sauces prepared ahead of time and arranged neatly in front of you.
If you can pull this off after 6 beers, I'll buy you the next round.

Clockwise from the top: Lettuce (tachichisa), grapefruit (gurupufruktsu), mango (amazingly, mango), red jalapeños (chiri asa), green jalapeños (chiri midori), carrots (ninjin), cucumbers (kyuuri), and steamed shrimp (ebi)

Tuna salad (tunasarada): Canned tuna + mayo + Sriracha!

Sea scallops (umi no hotate) + soy sauce (shoyu) + jalapeños (chiri midori), marinated for 15 to 20 minutes

You can fill your sushi rolls (makizushi) with pretty much anything you like. There are no fixed combinations. Still, do some browsing to find more data on your ingredients if you really want to cook the real thing.

This is my all-time favorite sushi book, but there are some great resources online

Now the seaweed (Nori)

Seaweed was traditionally scrapped from pier posts, then ground to a paste and laid out to dry in molds, like paper. Now it's farmed and dehydrated in ovens. Good nori is thick, bright green, plyable and has no holes.

If the nori you buy has tiny pieces in the bottom of the bag, it's probably too old and won't be suitable for sushi. Nori varies from region to region in Japan, but we can't afford such luxuries, can we? So have another beer to drown your sorrows and lay your nori sheet in front of you.

You'll notice it has a shiny bright side and a rough dark side. It's also rectangular. We're making large rolls, called futomaki, and they call for a whole sheet.

Place the sheet on top of the sushi mat (makisu), bright side facing down, long edge facing you. A good makisu is made of bamboo, has 4 to 5 strands of string and is tightly woven, with knots on only one side. Keep the knots facing away from you.

Spreading the Rice

Take about 1/3 of a cup of cooked rice in your hands and lightly roll it into a ball. Now stretch it over the nori sheet in one fluid motion, trying not to mash it. You can lightly damp your fingers in water with some rice vinegar to keep it from sticking to your hands, but don't over-do it or you'll make your rolls all soggy.

As you can see, the thickness is even without mashing the rice grains to porridge

Stop about an inch short of the opposite edge and make sure the rice is evenly spread. Make a slight indentation about 1/3 of the way up across the rice with your index finger to keep the fillings from sliding.

Have some more beer, you deserve it. Enchant your victims with some sushi trivia and get them inebriated as well.

Filling your futomaki

Either follow a recipe or get creative. My choices are in the image notes. It'll take some practice to find the balance between the right ammounts of fillings and rice. It'll also take some more beer

Tuna salad: There's a lettuce leaf underneath to act as a moisture barrier, plus cucumbers and carrots on top

My personal favorite: Soy-marinated sea scallops with jalapeños

The classico California Roll: Shrimp, cream cheese, avocado, cucumber and carrots. Minus the sesame seeds, which I forgot to buy.

Let's ROLL, BITCHES!

This can get a bit tricky, especially if you've been following my beer cues.

Grab a hold of the nearest edge of the makisu with your thumbs, then place the rest of your fingers just past the fillings, now lift and roll tightly, applying gentle, uniform pressure. When the edge of the rice touches the rest of the rice, take the makisu out and re-arrange so you can still roll.

If your rolls are a bit irregular around the edges, take a tablespoon of rice and make a little ball to cover the ends. Finally, apply pressure all around the roll to make it as cylindrical as possible.

Slicing

Get a large (at least 7 inches long), smooth-bladed chef knife and dip it in water. Wipe the blade clean and slice your roll in consecutive halves. Ideally, there should be an even number of slices and it should be a multiple of 4. There's some obscure ettiquete/superstition around that.

Plating

 

When you serving sushi, think Haiku... simple, clean and highly disciplined... look at pics over the internet to get some ideas... I'm in no position to suggest filling combinations and arrangements, that would be insulting for proper itamaes around the globe.

Add some pickled ginger (Gari Shoga) and Wasabi to the plate. Ginger cleans the palate so you can distinguish between different proteins. Wasabi is thought to kill some parasites found in raw/undercooked fish.That shouldn't be a problem nowadays, since law requires sushi grade fish to be frozen for 24 hours before being thawed and sliced, to kill Dyphillobothrium latum eggs and other parasites.

 

Pairing and Ettiquette

Here's an awesome video explaining things

Even in formal settings, eating with your hands is perfectly acceptable, provided they stay clean and you never touch other people's food

 Although it misses a few things:

• It is EXTREMELY impolite to stick your chopsticks (Hashi) on a bowl of rice. It resembles a funeral offering and it sort of means you wish the chef to die.
• Do not take things from other plates with chopsticks that have touched your lips. Either turn them around and take food with the broad end, or have another set.
• If you find it difficult to dip the sushi piece (this post only covers futomaki, but there are several other kinds) in soy sauce, hold a strand of gari with your chopsticks and use that as a brush for the soy sauce
• Try to eat every piece in one bite, unless it's freakishly large

As for pairing, sake and beer are obvious choices, especially more bitter beers, high in hops, like asahi, tsingtao or heineken. Hell, if you get good Mexican Tecates, they're great!

If wine is your poison, a dry german riesling will do nicely. Sauvignon blanc is also a good choice, and also a less formal one. Fruitier reds, like a young Pinot noir will pair well with darker-colored fish and roe.

You know it's gotta be Anita-approved to be posted

 

AAAAAAND still no casualties, you can trust me